This is a story I have heard over and over again from my pregnant friends. Every time I try to bite my tongue and gently share my thoughts with them in the hopes they will change their expectations.  In reality, this is a message that the dad to be to be needs to hear, since ultimately he made the unrealistic request.  So here goes..

STOP telling your pregnant wives that you want them to make it possible for you to bottle feed the new baby ASAP so that you can feel connected.  I know this sounds harsh, but really YOU are being SELFISH. Now hear me out. Taking care of a new baby is hard, really freaking hard.  Despite what you may think, breastfeeding does not come easy to most.  For many women, like myself, it took MONTHS to get it right. Those months were emotional and overwhelming. So many tears were shed as I struggled to get my screaming newborn to latch on so he could eat. Thankfully, I had a very supporting husband that understood that those first few months with our new baby were focused on 1 single goal- meeting the needs of our baby. For me that meant making sure that he was fed and happy.  For him, that meant that I was taken care of so that in turn, I could take care of our baby.

If you still are not convinced, lets talk about what pumping entails. Lets discuss the many reasons that asking your wife to pump so you can bottle feed is not a simple request:

1. Pumping is a hassle
   • The set up takes time and effort
   • It can take up to 30 minutes to pump enough for a single feeding (fingers crossed the baby isn’t already crying and hungry)
   • You have to clean 3874 pump parts after each pumping session.
2. Many women don’t respond the same way to a pump that they do to a baby
   • After all that hassle, you might not even end up with enough milk for a feeding.
   • Removing less milk could lead to a decrease in milk supply.
3. Nipple Confusion
   • Bottles make it easier for baby to eat.  Some babies decide they would rather get the milk from a bottle and start to refuse the breast.  Talk about making life 800 times harder for your wife.
4. Pumping is cold- I had a winter baby and the last thing I wanted to do was to get practically topless to hook up the hands free bra and pump parts.
5. Pumping freaking sucks.  Maybe not all women agree but pumping sucks.

I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings.  I know your request came from your desire to connect with your new baby.  Your baby will still love you.  You will still connect.  The moral of the story is that if you want to set your wife up for the best chances to successfully breastfeed YOUR child, you need to kindly back off of the emotional guilt you are placing on her and let her do her mama thing.

Steps off soap box.