As I sit here pregnant with my second child, I am trying to make sure that I prepare better this time around. This mama learned A LOT in the first month with my son. I found myself wishing that I had done so many things differently while I was still pregnant. Hopefully these lessons learned will make baby number two (hopefully) an easier experience. Hopefully my not so great experiences can also help you avoid my mistakes.
1. Set expectations for hospital visits before you get to the hospital
Other than thinking about who would be in the room while I was in labor and while I was delivering, I didn’t really put thought into this at all. I learned quickly that learning to breastfeed a newborn is substantially more difficult when you have guest visiting unexpectedly and non-stop for a 7 hour window of time. Let’s not even get into those postpartum bleeding checks or attempts to walk to the restroom. I don’t want to sound ungrateful; I appreciated how much our friends and family wanted to show us support. However, I ended up extremely overwhelmed from all the visits. This led to a lot of unnecessary anxiety and stress for me. My husband had no idea that so many visitors were so stressful for me. I am a people pleaser and made a point to try to not make anyone feel unwelcome.
This time around we will be setting a no visitors for 24 hours rule. Immediate family will be welcome for a SHORT visit that first day, because I am not mean enough to want to keep a grandparent from meeting their new granddaughter. Everyone else will have to wait. Everyone is different, but for me, having the first 24 hours without the 18 visitors that we had last time (no joke, 18 visitors) will make the world of difference.
2. Plan for childcare if you will be returning to work before you go on maternity leave
Going back to work after maternity leave is already very hard and emotional without having to add in the unnecessary stress of not knowing IF you will even find somewhere to care for your new baby. If possible, you should reach out to other parents in your area when you first get pregnant to get a feel for how competitive childcare is in your area. Luckily this one ended up working out fine for us. We ended up finding a daycare right near our house that had an opening in their newborn room. I have many mama friends that have not been so lucky and find themselves 1-2 weeks away from the end of their maternity leave with no plan in place.
3. Make sure that the baby clothes you have are practical
I laugh at this one a little but I still feel that it is necessary to talk about. Most of the baby clothes that we had for Riley were all gifts from our baby showers. We quickly learned that all those really cute suits and sweater vests were not practical for a newborn to wear daily. I was not going to dress my newborn up in an adorable smocked outfit to hang out around our house. Period. Newborns need comfortable clothes and lots of them (to get you through all those poop blow outs). I also have an intense hatred for baby socks. They do not stay on. I highly recommend stocking up on a bunch of sleep and play outfits for your newborn to keep their feet warm!
4. You will need more than a breastfeeding pillow for nursing
I planned to breastfeed my baby and prepared by purchasing few nursing pillows. I soon realized that I had failed to really make a plan to help make my life easier in those first weeks. Breastfeeding can take up A LOT of time, especially in the beginning when your baby is learning to latch and they are not very efficient at transferring milk. Top of the list for how I didn’t prepare properly was food and clothes. I consider these such a HUGE ticket item, that they are both separately listed below!!
Other things that would have helped would have been to already have nipple cream, cloth diapers (for messy feeding sessions) and breast pads on hand when I returned from the hospital. Also, joining a breastfeeding support group on Facebook BEFORE the baby comes will make it that much easier to find immediate support and get additional information as you enter the world of breastfeeding.
5. There is more to pumping than just what pump you will use
I ended up picking one of the top pumps out there and overall, it worked out well for me. I was able to successfully pump at work for my son until he was 16 months old and weaned. However, there are a ton of cool features that other breast pumps have that mine did not have that I wish I would have considered. Joining a breastfeeding support group on Facebook can also help with picking out a pump as you can get real life feedback from actual people. I am actually planning on switching to a different breast pump this time around.
Beyond choosing the pump itself, I also did not consider any of the real life details surrounding successfully pumping at work. Day one back at work I found myself armed with a small tote bag, my purse, my lunchbox and a separate cooler. I quickly determined that being a lady with 4 bags was not a great set up and purchased a bag meant to carry my pump. It was a splurge purchase for me but it was a game changer. Do yourself a favor and find a pumping bag you love before returning to work.
6. Think about postpartum clothes for yourself
For months and months I spent focused on my new baby. What would he wear, what would he lay on to play, what kind of diapers were best, etc. Never once did I stop to think about what I would be wearing in those postpartum months. Hint: quick boob access will become a necessity of life. Week one I had to send my sweet in-laws to the store to buy me nursing clothing. Outside of a single nursing bra I had worn before during my pregnancy, I had nothing. It’s okay to start out with just a few basics, bras, camisoles and a few shirts. If you are like me and have an oversupply of milk, you may need lots of extra nursing clothing for when you leak. My favorite nursing shirts are these criss-cross cardigans from Free to Live.
7. Stock up on food before your sweet baby arrives
As mentioned above, breastfeeding can take up a lot of time. My son always fell asleep on me immediately afterwards, so I ended up being trapped underneath him. I loved every moment cuddled up with him, except that most of the time this meant that I was missing meals and going hungry. If breastfeeding, you need to keep up your caloric intake to continue to produce enough breast milk. Figuring out a way to make sure that you have eaten is important.
Stocking up on frozen foods before baby arrives is a great start. Keep in mind that some breastfed babies may need their mama to switch to a dairy free diet, so go easy on the milk and cheese! Food that can be prepared in a few minutes or that will still taste good when it ultimately cools to room temperature before you actually get to eat it are the best. Some of my favorites are chicken salad (made from frozen chicken cooked in slow cooker), peanut butter and jelly, soup of any kind (hello, extra hydration) and fruit of any kind!
8. Set up Amazon Subscribe and Save
I had Amazon Prime for years and never knew that Subscribe and Save existed until I became a mom. With Amazon Subscribe and Save you get a monthly delivery of items on a set day. The more items you subscribe to, the larger discount you get on each item. Each individual item can be set for a tailored delivery schedule- every month, every 2 months, every 3 months, etc. We have diapers and wipes delivered monthly but other items are delivered less often. We ran out of diapers a lot before we discovered S&S. Since setting this up, we have never run out of the basics. We also get a better price than you can find in store. Disclaimer: if you are a coupon pro, you can likely find these items cheaper with a coupon. I am not a coupon pro and love that I can consistently purchase these items at a lower price.
9. Plan for Newborn Photos
Professional photography is important to me. Having these memories captured forever is priceless. The last thing you want to do is find yourself a day away from your scheduled photography session with nothing to wear because your maternity clothes are too big and your non-maternity clothes are still WAY too small. I was so caught up with all the money that we were spending around this time. I felt SO guilty spending any money on myself. You don’t have to get something new, but make sure that you have something that you feel comfortable and beautiful in. You just created life, you deserve to feel great while taking photos to commemorate this huge life milestone.
10. Talk to your spouse about paternity leave before baby is born
Somehow we never talked about what my husband would do immediately following our son’s birth. We didn’t discuss it and we ended up on completely different pages. My son was born the day after Christmas, so my husband already had that week off of work. To my surprise, he returned to work just a few days later.
My son was attached to me pretty much all day every day. Between breastfeeding and his lengthy milk drunk naps that followed, my husband felt that he wasn’t needed. Me on the other hand felt completely abandoned and overwhelmed when I was suddenly home alone with my tiny newborn baby for 10 hours a day. This pregnancy I have already set the expectations that he will stay home with me for a minimum of 2 weeks. This will let us find a new routine for our little family before I am left on my own with both kids.
Motherhood is hard and there is really no way to plan for everything. Is there anything that you wish you would have done before your baby arrived? I would love to hear about it! Comment below.
Packing your hospital bag? Check out my list of What’s In My Hospital Bag- The Second Time Around
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